Match.com is an online dating company which reportedly has more than 20 million registered members. Read their testimonials and you’ll see thousands who have found love thanks to them.
And the same goes for all the other online match-making sites eHarmony, Zoosk, Plenty of Fish, and SpeedDate.com.
But they need to move over because there’s a new love site in the race. Enter http://www.twitter.com
And finding love, or at the very least a friend, is as easy as 1 2 3 (4 5 6 …)
Step 1 – Sign Up
Click on the link & sign up to twitter. If you haven’t already then you need to re-think your prioroties, in life. Make sure you choose a name that is easily remember-able.
Step 2 – Pick An Avatar
You need to pick a picture that’ll be your avatar. Preferably one of yourself. Remember the picture you choose will set the tone for the type of followers you’ll attract. If your titties are all pushed up in your skimpy lingerie then don’t be surprised if you get propositioned for sexual rendezvous.
Step 3 – Follow
Start following tweeps (twitter+peeps) Twitter is not just about following celebrities & quotes. Search for people near you. You have the power in that follow/unfollow button.
Step 4 – Find a #TwitterCrush
A #TwitterCrush is just that, someone on twitter that you’re crushing on. Whether you find one based on the hotness of his/her avatar or their friendliness, find one & start crushing.
Now comes the fun part. Getting him/her to notice you.
Step 5 – Stalk
You know how on Facebook you spent hours on your crush’s profile? Inspecting all his/her wall posts. Perving over his/her pictures. Agonizing over his/her “it’s complicated” relationship status? Well same thing here on twitter, except because it’s a public timeline, it’s not so frowned upon.
You can learn quite a bit from someone’s tweets. For example, I learnt that my ex #TwitterCrush is married & that my current one lives in a different city.
Step 6 – Engage
Engage & interact with your #TwitterCrush. If he/she asks a question. Answer. Say good morning and good night. RT their quotes. Basically make yourself visible. Let your #TwitterCrush know that you exist in the twitterverse (twitter+universe.)
Step 7 – Establish a Friendship
Let him/her know that you’re not some 60 year-old paedophile with a foot fetish. (Unless you actually are.) Let them see that behind the avatar & tweets lies a real person that they might want to get to know.
If there’s chemistry you might move along to the next steps (which you will define for yourselves according to your personal parameters.) But be smart & be safe about it.
If there isn’t any chemistry, then at least you’ve made a virtual friend you can communicate with. But you’ll never know unless you put yourself out there. tweet tweet.
Women have this unwritten rule; You can never date/hook up with your girl’s ex. It’s just not allowed. And you will be banished from womanity if you dare to.
The things we prefer are deeply ingrained within us. Whether you chocolate or vanilla ice-cream. Whether you prefer chocolate or vanilla men is often something you have no say in.
Being able to subdue and not act upon an instinct is what differentiates us from animals. You often can’t choose who you are attracted to, it’s instinctual. But you CAN choose whether or not to act on it.
If you girl is hooking up with/dating/in a relationship with a guy, then it should be obvious that he’ll be off limits. But should the same “hands off” rule apply when the ties have been severed. With women, it’s a resounding YES! With men, not so much.
Generally, men don’t seem to mind if their “homies” or one of their boys does “do the deed” with one of his past girlfriends. As long as it wasn’t a serious, I-Was-Considering-Marrying-The-Girl kind of relationship, ex-girlfriends are usually fair game.
Women, on the hand are extreme. If I dated, slept with, had a crush or hell even just spotted him first, then it’s hands off! He’s mine wench, BACK OFF!
And woe is she, who does not adhere to the no entry sign. There will be all kinds of ugliness including the requisite name-calling and rumour-spreading.
Now, I will admit, I have blindly subscribed to this rule for years. I’ve even ended friendships because this rule was broken. Like I said, it’s an unwritten rule that all women know from the moment they start noticing that boys exist. I was brainwashed into it.
But recently, I’ve been thinking; is this rule fair, or is it just plain immature? What if your ex hook-up could possibly be your girl’s future husband/greatest love? Is it right to stand in the way just because, you saw him first?
Maybe we should adopt the male philosophy of “homies over hoes.” Chicks before d*cks? What do you think? Let me know.
Ladies, get you a “Best Man.”
One of my best friends in the world is a guy I will refer to as Michael from now onwards. Michael is my “Best Man.” Michael is the Will to my Grace. Except unlike Will Truman, Michael’s black. And hetero. I think a better comparison would be from Half & Half. Michael is the Spencer to my Mona.
I know that if I want to moan, I moan to my four best GIRL friends; Visoni, Latoya, Lynette & Billy. And there, I will get all the sympathy I want and even a little bashing & name-calling to relieve stress. They will make me feel justified in my anger/disappointment/sadness and I will truly feel that whole”a problem shared is a problem halved” adage. A woman cannot live without her girlfriends. They’re her free therapists, her confidants and they make life that much more fun. My four girlfriends hold my sanity on their shoulders. And considering that the last shred of my sanity is hanging by a thread, I figure that’s a tall order.
But after a good bitch & moan, I notice that I may FEEL better, but nothing has been resolved. Nothing concrete established, no realistic ideas brought to the table, no plan of action. *sigh* My problem may be halved but I’m no closer to getting it solved.
Enter Michael. One day all four of my girlfriends were unavailable (shame on you ladies, JBS) and I decided to have a good moan with Michael. Telling him my dilemma about this “friend” with all the dramatics I could insert and just so indignant at my situation. I had hoped for a few”Oh no she didn’ts” or a couple of “SHUT UP! She wouldn’ts.” Instead, what I got from Michael was, “Confront her Suzy. Tell her what your issue is and let her know that this sh*t can’t carry on.” And then, he changed the topic. I’d come looking for a sympathy instead, I got a solution. Michael gave me a concrete plan of action, something I could do – other than just bitch & moan.
While women are wired to sympathize, men are built to solve. Give a guy who cares about you a problem and he will come up with scenarios that can help fix the situation. (SIDEBAR: I read that in Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Both are good reads, do best and get yourself a copy.)
And now when I have a problem, I’m knocking on Michael’s door. And after hearing my dilemma, he’ll give the sage advice that I need. Boyfriends get easily distracted and some of my gay friends are just as dramatic as my girls. Michael, is the perfect solution. And if my girls hold my sanity on their shoulders, then Michael hold my conscience on his. Actually he is kind of like a conscience. He’s my Jiminy Cricket. Without him, I shudder to think what could happen. He’s the Spencer to my Mona
But TRUST, my girls are not off the hook. Sometimes, I don’t want a solution, I just want to bitch and moan. Let’s be honest; sometimes, I just want to hear the sound of my own voice. *shrugs* And that’s what Visoni, Lyn, Latoya & Billy are there for.
As a child in Primary School, I was socially awkward and darn-right unpopular! I was geeky, and just not “cool.” Kids didn’t want to play with me at break. It got so bad at a stage that teachers had to bribe/threaten kids into playing with me at break. You get the picture. Today, many years later I still don’t know what it was that made me so “un-cool”
In Grade 6 I realised that high school was just around the corner and that I would be going to Benoni High School without a single friend. That’s when I met Lucy Walker and she became my best friend! We were inseparable, but also polar opposites. She was white. I am black. She had a stay-at-home Mom. My Mom is a doctor. She had a pool. I don’t. She was my other sister for many happy years of my childhood. She was my BFF; Best Friend Forever.
Well Forever didn’t last very long. When other kids discovered that “Hey, that Suzy girl is actually quite cool” Lucy and I drifted apart and eventually broke up. *sniff sniff* And since Lucy, I have had other BFF’s. But the recent break up between myself and another BFF’s prompted some in-depth soul-searching & … *blah blah blah*
What is a friend? How do you define friendship?
I read a quote recently that made me re-evaluate many of my “friendships”
“Fear your friends more than your enemies. You can see trouble coming from your enemies, but you can’t see it from your friends. And they have the power to destroy you.”
This is true. But maybe you should ask yourself, is it worth livng in constant fear with people who are supposed to be your friends? Be careful, who you call a friend and who call a BFF. Because “forever” is a long time to be friends with someone you live in fear of!
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